Zdrowe podejście do zdrowego żywienia

Czasem słyszę dość modne, ale chyba idealistyczne opinie, że „dziecko wie czego chce”, „świetnie zna swoje potrzeby”, itp. Dla mnie takie twierdzenie jest podobnie błędne, jak skrajnie przeciwny pogląd powszechny kilka pokoleń temu – że dziecko nic nie wie i trzeba mu wszystko włożyć do głowy opierając się na sile rodzicielskiego autorytetu. Cóż, mody mają to do siebie, że popadają z jednej skrajności w drugą. Spójrzmy na praktyczny problem: niechęć do jedzenia owoców i warzyw przez małe dzieci. Z jednej strony, można autorytatywnie kazać dziecku jeść „bo zdrowe” lub nawet w ogóle niczego mu nie tłumaczyć. Z drugiej strony, można uznać, że dziecko wie czego chce, a więc jak nie chce jeść marchewki, jabłka czy buraków, to pewnie tego nie potrzebuje. Są też nieskończone ilości wariantów pośrednich: można dziecko przekonywać, przekupywać, szantażować i wiele, wiele innych. Osobiście wychodzę z następujących założeń: Po pierwsze, dziecko powinno jeść zdrowe rzeczy, bo nie ma ono najmniejszego pojęcia o długoterminowych skutkach niezdrowego jedzenia. Dziecko może świetnie wiedzieć o swoich najpilniejszych potrzebach, ale nie wie nic o tym jak jego decyzje wpłyną na nie za 20 lat. Niektóre dzieci naturalnie lubią zdrowe jedzenie. Ale część dzieci nie lubi. Czy to dowodzi tego, że nie potrzebują one warzyw i owoców? Oczywiście nie. Tak więc metody, które uznają, że dziecko w samo z siebie pozna swoją potrzebę jedzenia zdrowo nie są zbyt praktyczne. Oprócz tego, żeby dziecko jadło zdrowo teraz (cel krótkoterminowy), chcę aby moje dzieci jadły zdrowo jak mnie przy nich nie będzie (cel długoterminowy). Dlatego, o ile kazanie dziecku jedzenia zdrowych rzeczy może pozwolić na osiągnięcie celu krótkoterminowego, to długoterminowego już raczej nie. Oczywiście, czasem można zastosować przekupywanie deserem (gdzieś czytałem, że według osób od filozofii „dziecko wie czego chce” to jest już przemoc), jednak trzeba być świadomym, że to rozwiązanie ma istotne skutki uboczne. Dlatego, moim pośrednim celem jest to, aby jedzenie zdrowo było albo przyjemne albo było pewną normą (a najlepiej jedno i drugie). Co robię, aby było przyjemnie? Przede wszystkim uważam, że przyjemności człowiek może się nauczyć. Jak nauczyłem synów, że jedzenie rzodkiewki jest przyjemne? Pokazałem, że rzodkiewka fantastycznie głośno chrupie („czyja rzodkiewka chrupie głośniej?”), zabawnie szczypie w język oraz jest… zdrowa. Przy czym pojęcie „zdrowy” wytłumaczyłem w taki sposób, aby rzeczywiście dziecko wiedziało, że naprawdę warto być zdrowym ( czyli silnym, zadowolonym i odpornym na małe organizmy zwane bakteriami i wirusami). Tak można z każdym warzywem. Wiele z nich można chrupać, co jest bardzo przyjemne – o czym doskonale wiedzą producenci chrupek i czipsów. Dlaczego dziecko miałoby jeść marchewkę ? Bo pomarańczowa, bo chrupie, bo twarda, bo podłużna, bo ma ostre zakończenie, bo słodkawa… Postawienie marchewki w centrum uwagi dziecka ma jeden gwarantowany efekt: marchewka staje się tematem rozmowy, staje się czymś ważnym. Drugim[…]

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36 years later it still hurts – #SuicideAwareness

When I heard about Robin Williams committing suicide, I was sad. When it turned out that Chris Cornell took his life, I was sad. But it was Chester Bennington’s suicide that shocked me. It was the first time in my life that I shed a tear for an artist. Part of my sorrow was related to my memories of Linkin Park’s music being present in my life in my early 20’s, but part of it was due to the fact that six children will never be with their father again. For a moment I imagined my 6 year-old daughter left without me and it was a devastating thought. I felt sorry for the Bennington’s children, and I feel emotional even now, writing this post. This situation reminded me of a message below that was shared* by a friend of mine. Sifaan (that’s my friend’s name) is an adult man, with a wife and a son – a great, loving, and truly amazing family. I’m posting it with his consent. Please, read: I see my friends sharing #SuicideAwareness posts like this… … and my first thought is that if someone I knew was contemplating suicide, the only reason they’d reach out to me is because they want to know the best way to do it (not that I know, but they’d figure I would research it thoroughly). And then I remember that I know about 3 people who have committed suicide. Among many others, they are each missed by his father and mother (my aunt) her sister, father and mother (my cousin) his mother, siblings, widow, and son… Me. I don’t „miss” my father in the traditional sense, because I was very young (3.5 years) and I have very few memories of him. And I don’t even know that my life would’ve been better if he hadn’t done it. I’m certainly not unhappy about how my life turned out: there’s no words enough to thank my Mom for her role, and one of my uncles stepped in as my father figure (I thought of him as my father, was too young to think it unusual that he had a separate room… was a bit of a shock when the news broke that he wasn’t). But there’s this thought that, whatever troubles he was going through, didn’t he love me enough to want to stay alive for me? So, if you are thinking about suicide, please don’t do it. Even 36 years later, it still hurts. The post is a perspective of a child who was touched by his father’s suicide. Below is a link to a post by Tim Ferris (yes, that Ferris, who wrote the „4-hour work week”). Tim shares his story of deciding[…]

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A Falcon That Would Not Fly

I first read this story a day after my employer decided that my role was no longer needed in the organization. Whatever my emotions were, they were immediately replaced with a sense of liberation, and joy. Yes, it hurt to loose my safe harbour. Yes, it was unexpected. But had it not happened, I would not have courage to embark myself on many journeys that led me to where I am now. I remember the king and the falcon every time I need a solid kick n my… past, so I can head towards the future. I hope you enjoy it as well! Read it, share it, and fly! A king once received a gift of two magnificent Peregrine Falcons. He gave the precious birds to a newly appointed royal falcon trainer. A few weeks later, the trainer informed the king that though one of the falcons was flying majestically, the other bird had not moved from its branch since the day it had arrived. The king summoned healers and sorcerers from all the land to tend to the falcon but no one could make the bird fly. So, he offered a reward to anyone in his kingdom who could solve the problem. A farmer came in to try and within minutes, the falcon was flying above the palace gardens. When the king asked him how he did it, the farmer said: „It was very easy, your highness. I simply cut the branch where the bird was sitting.”  

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It was the first time someone hugged him after more than a year.

This is a simple story that moved me. A story told by Chrys* who teaches German in Austria and who is a friend of mine. A story of war and escape, a story of passion for learning. A story of a figurative and literal human touch. The story characters are neither children nor parents, but emotions they shared are of a kind often reserved for the loved ones. And the child-like empathy embedded in this story is what makes me share it with you. And maybe it is something you want to share further – with your family or friends and discuss topics that it touches. Don’t let me hold you back any longer and simply listen to Chrys: This is my new friend, Hussein. He joined recently my German language classes. On day 1 he approached me with vigor and raised eyebrows to say in broken German, but in decisive manner: – Teacher, I want to finish my studies! – When did you start them? – I asked – A year ago. – Where? – In Aleppo, in north Syria… and his eyebrows lowered… – What do you study? – Anesthesiology, a medical specialization. – Great! Did you like it? – I loved it! I was learning so much about our body! But then the soldiers came, asked all male students to come to the main hall. They said we join them or die… – Wow, join the class please! Ι was fascinated, I was sensing his strong motivation! I showed to an empty chair and added “then let’s learn together!” After the class I took him aside, asked him how did he manage to escape. His lips pushed each other and he lowered the head, avoiding my look. – You don’t want to know. You don’t speak their language, that’s better so for you. – … And then? How did you get here? – I had to flee to Turkey, I reached Izmir.  – Could you live there? I was now almost indiscrete, but my curiosity wouldn’t let me. – It was a nightmare teacher… had to work 7 days a week… 10-12 hours a day, collecting oranges, polishing shoes etc., sleeping in a garage…  His shoulders were now hunched. I was speechless for few seconds. Then I kept asking. – And did you go to Greece? – Possible only with those bad guys… (he meant the smugglers) – How much did they ask for the trip? – 1200 dollars per head… had to work 7 months to make it… then reached Chios… With a dinghy boat. We lost 2 on the way. The people in Greece offered me oranges there.  – To collect again? – No, to eat! The rest wasn’t so hard… I like Vienna! I hugged him without thinking about it… He stayed still for a few moments. It was the first time someone[…]

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Cherish your inner child

June 1st is celebrated in many countries as International Children’s Day*. When you are a kid, this means… presents (yay!). When you are a parent, this means… giving presents (yay as well of course!). But don’t stop at being best mom, dad, uncle, aunty, grandparent or a kind neighbour. As an adult also make sure your inner child is cherished. And do it always – June 1st, November 20th, and every single day of the year. Just follow a piece of advice by Special Agent Dale Cooper from the Twin Peaks TV show: […] Every day, once a day, give yourself a present. Don’t plan it, don’t wait for it, just let it happen. It could be a new shirt in a men’s store, a catnap in your office chair, or two cups of good, hot, black, coffee. So, what was (or still will be) your present for yourself today? For us, the present of June 1st, 2016 is TheCoachingParent.com site brought back with this new post (and some minor layout/ design updates). We really hope that you will continue sharing our stories, sharing your perspective, being the best coach to your children, and supporting parents in their coaching journey. We have many ideas and we truly hope you will enjoy the way this site and our services evolve! _________________ * Wikipedia gives you all the Children’s Day dates across the globe: check here

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As one door closes

Its hard to believe that after some 10 years Jack and I have decided to pass the Coaching Parent on to a younger, more dynamic individual #gieniusz – Adam Gieniusz in Poland. Perhaps it was meant to be following the translation of the book into Polish, that other possibilities for entrepreneurs might emerge. I met Adam while delivering an Executive & Corporate coaching workshop in Istanbul. From initial interest some 6 months later we have sold and transferred our interests. The work is in good hands though and the spirit of the idea will not only live on – it will thrive. We wish every success to the new owner. Bye for now. #davidmiskimin

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Budgetting with children

As the global recovery struggles to take shape, most of us continue to be careful with our spending. What to do as an activity when there are many competing items a child might enjoy? One of the simplest things is to simply let them be! One of my grandchildren, without any prompting from me, discovered certain sweets can usefully double as rings. What fun was had and lasting for about 20 minutes too. A bonus when that ended was they could also be eaten! David Miskimin

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Available Now – The Coaching Parent Companion!

It’s taken longer than we expected, and thankfully from feedback the wait seems to have been worthwhile in terms of content, quality and value. Our new book The Coaching Parent Companion sits alongside the original and is available now. Simply visit Amazon or your preferred supplier now. Amazon UK (paperback and Kindle edition for UK customers) Amazon USA (Kindle version for non-UK customers and paperback)

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